Post-teen Adult

    Never really thought I had that, "coming to age" phase of my life, like I had always been made to take care of myself or others, but recently... recently this is not the case. 

     You have to figure out where your boundaries start and where they end, what you're willing to say you did and what you will spend the rest of your life telling yourself didn't happen, It was just a hiccup. 

    I can't say for sure where my line begins, or ends... It's so messed up. 

    There are infinite situations, infinite possibilities, you are stuck with making one decision to one situation that could go from sweet to sour and a part of me knows I will not sleep until I've gotten a piece of everything that could happen. That's my fault. 

    I got involved with a guy I didn't know because he reminded me of the home I didn't have anymore, or the family that wasn't there. I had no intention to make myself available to this person, but with the help of alcohol and a lonely fresh start, it happened. Don't get me wrong, I've met him before, I know his name, I know about his family or lack thereof, but I didn't feel like I knew him enough, This one moment of shame/regret has turned my privet business into a public one after a friend and a friend of a friend learned about this one night stand. I don't think there's anything else in this world that makes me angrier than having a group of other people in my business, then again, It's my fault, kinda. 

    Anyways, you know that thing you shouldn't do, but you do anyways, and then you immediately feel bad about doing it, but you can't seem to stop? You trade one bad habit for the other and decide any advice you give yourself is as useful as a dead bird? 

   We know, when we're younger, that we can take risks, we can do bad things, we want that rush, that feeling we hadn't ever felt before, it's your friend and you want it to keep coming back. But what about when you get older? These are not just habits, this is you. This has become something you do regularly and now your questions from young adulthood have been answered. Am I a shitty person who does shitty things, or am I a good person who fucks up quite a bit? 

    I'm no younger than 20, but I'm also no older than 25, and I still have no clue.