It’s sickening.
Why is it now-a days it has become too easy to start a “trend” among teens. Like those fucking silly bands.
Are you kidding me? Really?
You hate your arm so much you feel the god givin need to cover it all up with colorful plastic that is so unreliable, that I wouldn’t put it, past it, that your arm would hive up due to the extra toxic chemicals inside of it, and even coating it. All because it’s in the same shape of the letter C.
God, you guys are hopeless.
You, the ones I see running in the hall with them on one day, than the next day you have those god irritating 3D glasses with the lens pop’d out, and you ask me why I poked you in the eye.
Maybe if their were anything in their, you would have been safe from the blinding eye poke!
You become an obsessor of media, and bad music.
If it’s this easy for me to sell you something meaningless and pointless, than your free will isn’t being practiced enough, and you need to disappear before you breed a whole new generation who will screw up bigger than you.
Sunday, 23 January 2011 at 21:25
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
A Dream.
I constantly have thoughts and scenarios about things I create out of thin air, that go on, and further irritate me.
Now why you might ask?
Why would I, purposely anger myself. Why put yourself though something that isn't necessary?
Anger, tension, and anxiety built for the sole purpose of creating a scene that never really happen, or never even matter. Adding to events to distress ones self.
To ruin ones self, because they cannot, I cannot, see another way to convince myself- any due that is right, Shall come my way.
And why? Why can't I experience it the way I choose, if the way I choose is better, or helps me cope with actual events.
Why can't a dream, become ones reality; being what one might think the order of events had occurred. Well then.
Seems like reality is just a dream.
Now why you might ask?
Why would I, purposely anger myself. Why put yourself though something that isn't necessary?
Anger, tension, and anxiety built for the sole purpose of creating a scene that never really happen, or never even matter. Adding to events to distress ones self.
To ruin ones self, because they cannot, I cannot, see another way to convince myself- any due that is right, Shall come my way.
And why? Why can't I experience it the way I choose, if the way I choose is better, or helps me cope with actual events.
Why can't a dream, become ones reality; being what one might think the order of events had occurred. Well then.
Seems like reality is just a dream.
Perhaps I'm the only one?
With no sense of direction, no idea where I'm going, just mindless wondering around. I threw myself off with discouragement, didn't think I could go. Then it was too late. I took my SATs without a calculator, and lowered my grade significantly. I didn't push my mom hard enough to do her taxes to meet the student aid deadline, I didn't know if I was going to graduate in time because of how many extra credits my school had me do, that I already had, then ended up doing a total of 19 classes in one semester.
You see? their are a bunch of things I could've done to help myself, but whats the point if I'm too late? community college? I've applied and been accepted, but now theirs the problem of being too late, to find housing... they will help you pay, but if the application is processed by May 1st, I'm in a rut, and don't know what to do...
I've been without a home for four years already, and i know how to manage without one, but for once, I'd like my own bed, for once I would like a warm place to feel safe. I would be more than happy for section A housing. It would be me, my puppy, and and the air matress we both sleep on.
And i know what you're going to say, "Why do you have a puppy, and you're broke?" well, i wasnt always broke, and she saved my life, and i to her. My uncle passed away and i felt as though i had no one, and that i failed him. (the way he passed away is a way much gruesome.) Well, i found a puppy. A beautiful little winnie dog, haha, weelll a Douchound, black and brown, i love her more than i love myself, and i didn't know how much i loved her until she got parvo.
Laying in the tub, shaking, going in and out, blood everywhere and the doctors said I could put her down for 300$, or keep her at the vet for $1,600 or I could bring her home, either way she was going to die. I decided I was going to take her home and let her pass on my terms. I spent the last 7 years caring for my mother and grandmother, I'm more than capable of taking care of her. She was nursed back to health, and I tried everything I could do to save her, I had never cared so much about something than I did when I was trying to keep her here. Now she doesn't leave my side, and I don't leave hers. If I have enough to eat, than so will she.
Finding my own place isn't just for me, but for her too. I want to find even a studio apartment ontop of a pizza place with the bed between the bathroom and kitchen. who cares, we will be at the park anyways, we will be happy, and she will be excited to be someplace without a kennel.
Perhaps im not the only one lost here, their is no formula to life, if you follow all the listed steps, you will get the listed results. I always wondered about those people who created formulas, how many trial and error's did they go through to find what works.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Kick Ass
I've always love the thought of people doing something when shit goes down.
Giving your life to a COMPLETE stranger, without questions asked, or a seccond thought.
Batman of corse being my all time faveorite Super Hero, hands down, Cannot be matched.
You see, you've got Super Man, who's a super Alien/Man with powers. That he himself had not earned, and woke up being great.
Then spiderman, a pathetic excuse for a hero, he bitches about not letting a secret out that he could have very well shared with his best friend whom now resents him, and he could have even told his love. She clearly wouldn't have told anyone, but insted would have understood shit doesn't always go your way. The list goes on and on and on...
But in the end, the one man who stands out of his elimemt to aid those who are in truble and might acctualy die because he is not imortal, and is just another citizen who happens to work his ass off and soils his name so the ones around him don't get hurt, he's acctualy more amazing. It's not like he could protect those around him from the joker cuz let's face it, a man who is ready to die at any momment isn't afraid to take risks, and happens to be a skizophrenic physco, who suffers from multiple mental illnesses also resembles society in a cute little package that shows you, that you don't have to be a man with a grudge, who needs to avenge blah blah blah...
In real life, shit ain't always like that. Some people just want to see the world burn, and some people are willing to give up money, fame, and even their own love to save, help, and give the people around them a seccond chance.
All this came from watching Kick Ass, someone similar to Batman who isn't quite a monk trained Ninja, but insted a kid who's fuckin tierd of life taking a piss on his chest wile he's knee deep in smelly cock.. Yup.. All of that...
And yet I sit here preaching the need of a stronger willed individual who's not afraid to take it all on..
I'm still workin on it. But can anyone else truely say they'd give their life to another complete stranger? ..
Giving your life to a COMPLETE stranger, without questions asked, or a seccond thought.
Batman of corse being my all time faveorite Super Hero, hands down, Cannot be matched.
You see, you've got Super Man, who's a super Alien/Man with powers. That he himself had not earned, and woke up being great.
Then spiderman, a pathetic excuse for a hero, he bitches about not letting a secret out that he could have very well shared with his best friend whom now resents him, and he could have even told his love. She clearly wouldn't have told anyone, but insted would have understood shit doesn't always go your way. The list goes on and on and on...
But in the end, the one man who stands out of his elimemt to aid those who are in truble and might acctualy die because he is not imortal, and is just another citizen who happens to work his ass off and soils his name so the ones around him don't get hurt, he's acctualy more amazing. It's not like he could protect those around him from the joker cuz let's face it, a man who is ready to die at any momment isn't afraid to take risks, and happens to be a skizophrenic physco, who suffers from multiple mental illnesses also resembles society in a cute little package that shows you, that you don't have to be a man with a grudge, who needs to avenge blah blah blah...
In real life, shit ain't always like that. Some people just want to see the world burn, and some people are willing to give up money, fame, and even their own love to save, help, and give the people around them a seccond chance.
All this came from watching Kick Ass, someone similar to Batman who isn't quite a monk trained Ninja, but insted a kid who's fuckin tierd of life taking a piss on his chest wile he's knee deep in smelly cock.. Yup.. All of that...
And yet I sit here preaching the need of a stronger willed individual who's not afraid to take it all on..
I'm still workin on it. But can anyone else truely say they'd give their life to another complete stranger? ..
Diffrence between america and americans.
America is the greatest country in the world to those who are not here. Whom are desprite to run away from persicution, and into freedom.
But to those who are born here know, not, why America is such a gret place, but assume it because it's the greatest place. Is it really greater than the pyramids? The ancient ruins? Or the beautiful rainforst? No, but just like those places it gives fulfillment, within the eyes, to inside your chest.
A feeling of happiness and protection, for your family and hope to move up in life. Those whom have never left this country, refuse to indulge in cultural diffrusion, make the world outside of America hate our ignorence, for insted of saying "we are Americans, and we are one of the great successes whom have went on the lim to create a greater place for religious, and political freedom." we say "hey, we hate, we assume, and we do not accept!".
America is great, but Americans hold us back.
But to those who are born here know, not, why America is such a gret place, but assume it because it's the greatest place. Is it really greater than the pyramids? The ancient ruins? Or the beautiful rainforst? No, but just like those places it gives fulfillment, within the eyes, to inside your chest.
A feeling of happiness and protection, for your family and hope to move up in life. Those whom have never left this country, refuse to indulge in cultural diffrusion, make the world outside of America hate our ignorence, for insted of saying "we are Americans, and we are one of the great successes whom have went on the lim to create a greater place for religious, and political freedom." we say "hey, we hate, we assume, and we do not accept!".
America is great, but Americans hold us back.
still looking...
Right now, I'm still looking for schools to attend next year... I've applied to some, and got accepted, but deep down I know I don't want to go there. What to do, what to do...
I just don't want to settle for shit. like a big pile of shit, it will stink up the dreams I hold, and fester into a life long heart break. If I do what I'm expected to do, I will only hear an ear full of bullshit from people who make those people I love, feel like they're shit now.
For example, I am Mexican, my grandmother and grandfather are from Mexico. My grandma has five brothers and sister, and they each had, like, 5 kids... and those five kids had between 2- 12 kids each. So, my family is fucking huge, and out of all of the people to ever become apart of our clan, 3 people have attended College. Life got in the way with most of my family members, my mother and her 4 brothers came from a drunk mother, and abusive father, with the exception of my mother, never even stayed in the house to see graduation- left to find "love", and began to create the cycle once again.
Now, the family member that i am referring to, happens to have a mother and father, who weren't perfect, but did spoil her. Well, she grew up and went to college, two years after she graduated high school, and will be damned if she doesn't chew out your ear about how much you need to go now.
(Kind of like those people who loose a little weight, and now all the sudden believe they are the new advocates for healthy living, and all things weight related.)
Even worse, she is a school teacher. Now, if you haven't attended middle school in Minnesota before, then let me tell you how ridiculously fucking arrogant, and sorry these teachers are. They believe god had shat them out, and cannot be touched. They can never be wrong, and can never have a student question anything they say. They think they are "cool", "hip", and "in". The most obnoxious thing ever.
Well, she found out i was the last to graduate high-school, (Yes, I am the baby) and ran like the wind.
I understand what she is doing is trying to help me, and trying to look out for me, but the way she approaches me is totally inappropriate.
At my sisters graduation she had seen my friend who was pregnant sitting next to me on the bench, and was just looking at her. Not knowing anything about her, opened her big ass mouth and started asking her questions like if her mom was still with her to help support the baby and her, and if she knew about the effects of being pregnant & young, and all this bullshit. SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HER. No opening small talk, no asking her what her name was, or even talking about the weather, just dived into questions that were none of her business.
My friend is 21 years old, happens to be smaller because she was born with a muscle defect, was, at that time, supporting her mother and younger sister on her own for a couple years already, and was going to school.
How embarrassing for the both of them, and my cousin still doesn't see why she was so wrong in doing that. That's the kind of shit I don't want to deal with if I go to school at the U of M. Hamline is the place I have my heart set on, and i have already applied, but was turned down because they don't think that it is financially responsible for me to attended right now, but would prefer me to transfer over from a community college for at least a year. I didn't exactly know how to feel about that because I wasn't sure on whether or not i should feel rejected, or considered. But i do know that it's not over for me, not by a long shot.
so... I'm still looking, because of how paranoid I am, do I want an online school? ASU have online classes, when you graduate your certificate will not mention online, but as though it were on campus. NYC? If i get accepted, I might not have a place to live, even if there's dorms, always a chance there might not be any room because of how late in the year it is. I can't afford to apply, then not go. 60$ needs to go a long way, so it's like, no matter where i might get accepted, I need to make sure i am sooooo confident in my choice. Any suggestions? of course not...
I just don't want to settle for shit. like a big pile of shit, it will stink up the dreams I hold, and fester into a life long heart break. If I do what I'm expected to do, I will only hear an ear full of bullshit from people who make those people I love, feel like they're shit now.
For example, I am Mexican, my grandmother and grandfather are from Mexico. My grandma has five brothers and sister, and they each had, like, 5 kids... and those five kids had between 2- 12 kids each. So, my family is fucking huge, and out of all of the people to ever become apart of our clan, 3 people have attended College. Life got in the way with most of my family members, my mother and her 4 brothers came from a drunk mother, and abusive father, with the exception of my mother, never even stayed in the house to see graduation- left to find "love", and began to create the cycle once again.
Now, the family member that i am referring to, happens to have a mother and father, who weren't perfect, but did spoil her. Well, she grew up and went to college, two years after she graduated high school, and will be damned if she doesn't chew out your ear about how much you need to go now.
(Kind of like those people who loose a little weight, and now all the sudden believe they are the new advocates for healthy living, and all things weight related.)
Even worse, she is a school teacher. Now, if you haven't attended middle school in Minnesota before, then let me tell you how ridiculously fucking arrogant, and sorry these teachers are. They believe god had shat them out, and cannot be touched. They can never be wrong, and can never have a student question anything they say. They think they are "cool", "hip", and "in". The most obnoxious thing ever.
Well, she found out i was the last to graduate high-school, (Yes, I am the baby) and ran like the wind.
I understand what she is doing is trying to help me, and trying to look out for me, but the way she approaches me is totally inappropriate.
At my sisters graduation she had seen my friend who was pregnant sitting next to me on the bench, and was just looking at her. Not knowing anything about her, opened her big ass mouth and started asking her questions like if her mom was still with her to help support the baby and her, and if she knew about the effects of being pregnant & young, and all this bullshit. SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HER. No opening small talk, no asking her what her name was, or even talking about the weather, just dived into questions that were none of her business.
My friend is 21 years old, happens to be smaller because she was born with a muscle defect, was, at that time, supporting her mother and younger sister on her own for a couple years already, and was going to school.
How embarrassing for the both of them, and my cousin still doesn't see why she was so wrong in doing that. That's the kind of shit I don't want to deal with if I go to school at the U of M. Hamline is the place I have my heart set on, and i have already applied, but was turned down because they don't think that it is financially responsible for me to attended right now, but would prefer me to transfer over from a community college for at least a year. I didn't exactly know how to feel about that because I wasn't sure on whether or not i should feel rejected, or considered. But i do know that it's not over for me, not by a long shot.
so... I'm still looking, because of how paranoid I am, do I want an online school? ASU have online classes, when you graduate your certificate will not mention online, but as though it were on campus. NYC? If i get accepted, I might not have a place to live, even if there's dorms, always a chance there might not be any room because of how late in the year it is. I can't afford to apply, then not go. 60$ needs to go a long way, so it's like, no matter where i might get accepted, I need to make sure i am sooooo confident in my choice. Any suggestions? of course not...
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