Perhaps I'm the only one?

With no sense of direction, no idea where I'm going, just mindless wondering around. I threw myself off with discouragement, didn't think I could go. Then it was too late. I took my SATs without a calculator, and lowered my grade significantly. I didn't push my mom hard enough to do her taxes to meet the student aid deadline, I didn't know if I was going to graduate in time because of how many extra credits my school had me do, that I already had, then ended up doing a total of 19 classes in one semester.


You see? their are a bunch of things I could've done to help myself, but whats the point if I'm too late? community college? I've applied and been accepted, but now theirs the problem of being too late, to find housing... they will help you pay, but if the application is processed by May 1st, I'm in a rut, and don't know what to do...


I've been without a home for four years already, and i know how to manage without one, but for once, I'd like my own bed, for once I would like a warm place to feel safe. I would be more than happy for section A housing. It would be me, my puppy, and and the air matress we both sleep on.


And i know what you're going to say, "Why do you have a puppy, and you're broke?" well, i wasnt always broke, and she saved my life, and i to her. My uncle passed away and i felt as though i had no one, and that i failed him. (the way he passed away is a way much gruesome.) Well, i found a puppy. A beautiful little winnie dog, haha, weelll a Douchound, black and brown, i love her more than i love myself, and i didn't know how much i loved her until she got parvo.


Laying in the tub, shaking, going in and out, blood everywhere and the doctors said I could put her down for 300$, or keep her at the vet for $1,600 or I could bring her home, either way she was going to die. I decided I was going to take her home and let her pass on my terms. I spent the last 7 years caring for my mother and grandmother, I'm more than capable of taking care of her. She was nursed back to health, and I tried everything I could do to save her, I had never cared so much about something than I did when I was trying to keep her here. Now she doesn't leave my side, and I don't leave hers. If I have enough to eat, than so will she.


Finding my own place isn't just for me, but for her too. I want to find even a studio apartment ontop of a pizza place with the bed between the bathroom and kitchen. who cares, we will be at the park anyways, we will be happy, and she will be excited to be someplace without a kennel.


Perhaps im not the only one lost here, their is no formula to life, if you follow all the listed steps, you will get the listed results. I always wondered about those people who created formulas, how many trial and error's did they go through to find what works.